


Memory

by EliDeetz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 06:04:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14129673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliDeetz/pseuds/EliDeetz
Summary: (Y/N) has a seemingly normal, but empty life. That until one afternoon she finds two brothers waiting for her just outside her office.They know her, and she knows them, but can't remember exactly why.What, or who, else is there for her to remember?





	1. Chapter 1

It’d been weeks since they came back into her life.  

Still unable to completely remember their lives together, finding herself feeling safe and back home was more than enough to trust them entirely.  

_Rain fell heavily as she stepped outside the building. The sound of her heels tapping against the pavement as she walked towards the parking lot, gave her something to synchronize her breathing with, hoping to soothe the anxiety that was making her stomach sick._

_Something was coming, and her heart was trying to tell her._

_By the time she got to the parking lot, the rain had stopped. Her breath was ragged, as she tried to focus on putting her umbrella away. Once she clipped it to her bag, her eyes were drawn towards a certain vehicle._

_It was jet black, and the raindrops made it shine beautifully._

_**An Impala** , was the first thought in her head. Which was surprising, considering she’d never known anything about cars._

_(Y/N) didn’t realized she was now walking towards it, her eyes meeting with the ones of the guys leaning against it._

_Everything was so odd, and strange. The force making her walk directly to them, the looks on their faces, even the air around them._

_Green eyes, hazel eyes; they looked alike. Were they brothers?_

_She wanted to run to them, wrap her arms around them, hold them tightly. She wanted to laugh and cry, when an awfully familiar sense of safety and comfort began to make its way into her body and mind._

_It was overwhelming._

_Her feet stopped mere inches away from them. She felt calm, and relaxed, her anxiety now a fading memory._

_“Hey,” the blonde guy greeted her shyly. His eyes and mouth twitched as he tried his best to repress a smile._

_Were those tears that glistened his eyes?_

_“I know you,” she said. It wasn’t a question, but a statement._

_“Yes, you do.” The brunette one answered. “We know you.” He also seemed to struggle to find his words. “Need a ride?” He asked in a hesitant mutter, after a long and peaceful silence._

She was grateful that they found her, since nothing made her happier than spending her afternoons with them. They would always pick her up after work, and would go to the dinner closest to their house, a bunker they said, where she would move in once all the memories came back to her.  

That’s what they’d agreed on.

“That’s beautiful, honey.” Her co-worker’s voice made her jump, for she’d completely forgotten there were more people in the studio besides her.  

“Thanks.” The young woman smiled warmly at her, putting her brush aside as she took a moment to look at her piece. It was a watercolor painting of a clear sky, green field, and a man. He was standing close to the corner, looking far away. A flash of golden color emerged from his back through the field, making it look like a pair of wings behind him.  

“Are you ever going to tell me who’s the mystery man?”

She chuckled, “I would if I knew myself.”

Missing something, or someone, that she was certain had never happened, nor existed, was a feeling that had begun to grow on her chest a while ago.

It was easy to ignore, at first, since she had real memories to hold on to. But, once her dad passed away, anxiety and depression started to make their way into her head. Making it even harder for her to feel happy with her life.  

The only part of the day when she could truly feel good enough, was at night when she slept. She’d dream about a different life, that whilst it seemed dangerous and strange, it was full of adventure and comfort.

That made up life on her dream, was the one she missed…. Except it wasn’t made up at all.  

Even the parts that she assumed were the product of reading too many horror novels, were real. Ghosts, vampires, werewolves, zombies, demons, and even angels, were real. It didn’t take her too long to believe it.

_Inside the car, she found herself clenching her hands nervously. Even if she felt secure, she wasn’t supposed to be in a car with two strangers who claimed to know her. She really had no memory of them, just felt that she knew them._

_“You aren’t going to kill me, are you?” She questioned from the back seat, causing them to smile and chuckle at her question._

_“No, (Y/N), we aren’t.” The one with the long hair, Sam, replied, unable to stop smirking._

_“Yeah, plus if it came down to it, **you’d**  be the one to kick our asses.” Dean added.  _

_Her eyebrows shoot up at his statement, making her laugh softly at it. The idea of someone like her taking down two larger, and stupidly attractive men down, was hilarious._

_The rest of the ride was quiet, until they arrived to a dinner somewhat familiar to her, almost at the skirts of the city. She followed them inside with hesitant steps, too calm to seem normal._

_“Good afternoon, guys. What can I get for ya’?” A pretty, blonde waitress received them immediately, her eyes boring into the brothers._

_“Two cheeseburgers, cob salad, two chocolate milkshakes and water.” (Y/N) blurted out, earning surprised glares from the boys. “And pie?” She added shyly._

_The smile on Dean’s face was as wide as it could get, and he nodded to the waitress to take the order his friend had done._

_“How did I guess that?” She thought out loud, placing both hands over her mouth, and closing her eyes to remain calm._

_“You remembered, you knew it already.” Sam explained in a low voice. “Things will start to come back to you.”_

_“What things?”_

Sometimes, it was slightly scary to let her mind wonder what was all that she was to remember.  

According to Castiel, it was better if they let things flow at their own pace, instead of bombarding her with inquiries about what she could remember, or not.  

The way she was able to remember the angel, was by the sound of fluttering wings she could hear from a distance, whenever she would walk alone at night. Or, his trenchcoated figure, when she could catch it from the corner of her eyes whenever she felt scared.  

That had been happening long before the Winchesters met her that rainy afternoon. All her time with him came flooding back just a day after their reunion.

That morning, something was different.  

Her heart was beating at an odd pace, like it did a couple weeks ago. The young woman tried to brush it up yet again, since it wasn’t exactly unpleasant, only strange.

Meeting Sam waiting for her right outside the office was a tad surprising, considering they would always wait for her in the car, far away in the parking lot.  

“Hey,” he greeted her shyly, still trying to measure himself around her.  

“Hey, Sammy.” The nickname allowed him to realize she was in a good state, hopefully everything would flow inside her head more smoothly.  

Sam didn’t intend to rush things, afraid something could upset her, or drive her away if it was suddenly too much. But it was necessary that he did, considering what they had in their hands at the moment.

They walked in silence from the building where she worked to the car, slower than she normally would. She wondered if Sam was trying to hold her back, since he was the one to set their pace.

“How was your day?” He suddenly asked, which usually meant  _how’s your brain?_

“I’m fine, I feel okay. Nothing new, though,” (Y/N) replied, smiling warmly at him.

He pressed his lips into a thin line, as he tried not to smile at her response, finding funny how she was able to read him and Dean easily more often. It was progress, and they would relish every step she took, no matter how small.

“I have something to ask you,” he began to stutter, ever so slightly, still nervous of what was coming. “I know we agreed on something but –”

“Sam,” she interrupted him, making them stand in place. “It’s alright, I feel fine.” She assured.

“Why don’t we… sit down for this? Dean can wait, he knows.”  

She guided him to the closest bench there was, and placed her portfolio on her lap as he sat next to her. He seemed nervous, and hesitant. Sam stared at his hands while he tried to find the words he wanted say, or how to say them.  

“I’ll make this simple,” he muttered more to himself than anything else. “What comes to mind when I say the name… Gabriel?”

_“Where are the Winchesters?” The demon roared on her face, as he pressed her against the wall of the abandoned building. He smelled like sulfur, and something putrid._

_“I. Don’t. Know.” She spat, painfully clenching her teeth._

_“She’s lying,” another one claimed._

_There were supposed to be shapeshifters, not demons. By the time she realized what she was really facing, it was already too late._

_The demons had been questioning about her the whereabouts of the brothers for a while now, and she sincerely didn’t know. After being left behind by Dean, Sam and her were trying to find him, separating in the process._

_“We should kill her,” the one holding her by the throat suggested, but was soon stopped by the other._

_“No, we could take her and lure them in.”_

_They began to bicker, debating on whether what they should do with her. Taking advantage of their quarrel, she began to dig in her pockets for something to defend herself with._

_It started to become harder to breathe, the demon was clenching her throat even tighter._

_“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He snarled, binding her hands to the wall with his powers._

_“I think you should be asking yourself the same question.” A third voice came from the shadows, catching the attention of the demons._

_From the darkness, a figure began to approach. Its steps menacing, and fearless._

“Gabriel?” She stared at the youngest Winchester with wide eyes, taking a hand up to her throat, for a ghost pain was making it ache.

“Y-yeah, just…” Sam felt uneasy, and he wondered whether bringing him up was a mistake.  

The moment after, she opened her portfolio, shuffling through tons of sketches and pieces of paper. He looked at her curiously, as she seemed to look for something specific.  

“This?” She handed him a piece of thick paper, with a portrait of a golden-eyed man staring right at him.

_“Took you long enough,” she said in a playful tone, carefully touching the bruising on her neck._

_“Excuse me? I smite demons, take care of you. Hell, I’d take a bullet for you, and you complain about the timing?” He asked, placing a hand over his chest in a mock offense._

_**“Stop saying you’d take a bullet for me. You’re immortal, it doesn’t count.”** _

_The man chuckled, and he approached to caress her neck delicately, fading away the colored spots with his grace._

Sam stared at the artwork in his hands, simply nodding as he examined it.  

“I don’t know why, but whenever I paint, or draw something. _He_  pops up,” the woman began to explain, fidgeting with her fingers. “I don’t know who he is. I…. I mean when you said that name, he came to mind again.”

“Is that all?” He questioned.

“Should there be more?” (Y/N) retorted, her brows furrowing as she spoke.  

The brunette tilted his head to the side and shrugged his shoulders, feeling as confused as she did, maybe even more. “I don’t know, if I’m honest. I don’t think I should be telling you this, but honestly I never once saw you hanging out with him at all.”

She nodded as she processed his words, taking deep breaths to keep her mind clear.  

“This is him, but… I mean, you met each other  _once_.” Sam noted, handing the drawing back to her.

“Is there a reason you’re asking me this now?” She asked after a long silence, once all the papers were back on place, and they resumed their walk towards the car.  

Amber stared into her for a moment, and his mouth fell as he tried to say something. But instead, he kept quiet, and simply moved his head to the side.

Her eyes traveled from him to her feet, deciding to focus on anything else but the flashing, strange memories on her brain at the moment. There was too much going on her mind, and it seemed to be going something similar on Sam’s mind as well, since he was as quiet as she was.

Once they were closer to the parking lot, her face raised from the pavement to where the Impala was. There stood Dean, leaning against the car, but he wasn’t alone.

Next to him, stood a stranger. Which actually wasn’t one at all.

(Y/N) stopped as soon as she spotted him, taking a moment to observe him carefully. His hair was honey-comb colored, and long, just a bit above his shoulders. The man was nowhere near as tall as Sam, and was somewhat shorter than Dean.  

He was staring at the floor, with his hands on his pockets. When Dean saw her staring, he gave him a soft nudge with his elbow. The man looked at him slightly upset, but after getting where Dean was wanting him to see, his eyes turned to her.  

Time seemed to stop, as their eyes found each other. His were golden, and seemed to have light of their own.  

It was him, the man on her paintings, of her distant, blurry memories.  

Without realizing, she was running towards him, letting her bag and possessions fall to the floor next to Sam. She didn’t even know why, but there was a need inside of her to see him close. Perhaps even touch him, and make sure she wasn’t dreaming at all.

He seemed to be frozen in his spot, his eyes widening as he saw her approach. His hands came out of his pockets, while he debated what to do with them. Was she going to hug him? There wasn’t a way of knowing.

Just a couple of inches away from them, her steps slowed down. She breathed deeply, and tiredly, still not moving her gaze away from him, not even breaking eye contact. Not even the tears blurring her vision forced her to stop staring at him.

There was a thick silence between them, one that not even Dean tried to break.  

Much to their surprise, she closed the gap between to punch him in the chest, once, twice. “Took… took you long enough.” The words left her lips in a shaky breath, unexpected and foreign, while she tried her best not to laugh, nor cry.

And then he smiled, so warmly she could feel something inside her melting, and so familiar she wanted nothing but jump into his arms. But that’s as far as her mind went. She soon pulled away from him, feeling slightly embarrassed at her outburst.  

“I’m (Y/N),” she introduced herself, walking closer to Dean.

His face fell, making him look confused, and slightly hurt. The brothers shoot a knowing glance back, making him save his questions for later. With a quick shrug, the smile came back to his face, and he introduced himself:  

“I’m Gabriel.”


	2. Chapter 2

The impala made its way across the wet pavement with a roaring sound, yet the mood inside it was silent and almost awkward. 

From time to time, she would glance to the person seated with her on the back seat, only to find him staring back at her. It was rather strange, to finally meet the man in her paintings.

There was something about his eyes, and how they shined, that she simply couldn’t maintain eye contact with him. A particular smirk would always appear on his face when she looked away in embarrassment.

He sure seemed to be enjoying their silent exchange.

Dean caught her flustered expression in the rearview mirror, noticing her slight discomfort. “You okay?” He asked, worry evident in his tone.

(Y/N) smiled warmly at him, while secretly asking herself the same question. “Yeah, just a bit… overwhelmed, I guess.” She answered, glancing towards the man next to her. “I now understand what Cas meant by ‘ _ taking it slow _ ’.” 

Gabriel grimaced at her response, shrinking slightly on his seat. Then again, nothing about their current situation had been his fault.

“We’re sorry, (Y/N).” Said Sam, now turned backwards to look at her. “We didn’t think it would be… too much of a deal.”

“It’s not,” she quickly retorted, upon noticing Gabriel’s faltered posture. “I mean, it’s fine.  _ I’m  _ fine. More hungry than anything, honestly.” She laughed.

“Well,” Dean chimed in, “how ‘bout we take you to the bunker, and we all enjoy something to eat there?” He offered, gifting a smile to the girl.

Her eyes shone in response, since, while they’d asked her to move in with them when her memories came back, she hadn’t actually seen their place yet.

* * *

 

“Here we are,” Dean announced, entering what seemed to be a well hidden, and dark storage place.

The place illuminated once they were inside. It was a rather large garage, and the vehicles inside were even more impressive than the place itself. Gabriel let out a whistle, admiring everything around him.

“Isn’t this a Batcave, or what?  I’m guessing Cas is your Alfred?” He joked, earning a giggle from the girl. He gave her a smirk, noticing how she seemed to relax more around him. 

Hopefully, soon she’d be able to remember it all.

Once inside, both brothers gave them a tour. Being underground she pictured it would be cold, and gloomy; the bunker turned out to be anything but. She found it bright, and inviting. 

The whole place smelled like wood, an old library, and the boys aftershave. She soon found herself lost in the warmth of the bunker. Unable to keep her hands to herself, she touched the books in the shelves with the tips of her fingers, and let her palm down on the wooden table in the middle of the library.

She closed her eyes, waiting for something to spark in her mind. But it never came.

“Have I been here before?” She asked in a whisper, her back turned towards the three men following her. 

“No, we… this is the first time you’ve been here.” Sam replied, a sad smile on his face.

“Humm, bummer.” (Y/N) muttered with a careless smile, trying to keep them unalarmed. “So, that meal you mentioned?” 

Dean left to get them something to eat, since they hadn’t gone to the diner after picking her up from work, and later came back with Castiel. The group chatted about the simplest stuff they could. Always about present things, never the past, not wanting to disturb her in any way.

“We’re still working on the room where you’re going to stay, we figured you’d liked it somewhere between mine and Sam’s.” Dean explained, chugging on his beer.

“As for you, you can take any room you like that’s already set up,” his brother said to Gabriel.

Her eyes widened at that statement, and her jaw fell ever so slightly. “Are… are you moving in here as well?” She asked him.

“Yeah, I don’t really have a place to go.” He admitted, an almost unperceivable hint of melancholy in his tone.

“I thought you’re an archangel, can’t you go anywhere you please?”

His amber eyes moved from her to the rests of food in front of him, debating to decide how much he should say. “I guess you could say I’m not really an archangel anymore.”

She frowned in response, not understanding what he meant by that.

“Celestial beings have this  _ force,  _ called grace,” Castiel began to explain, hoping to aid his brother. “Which gives them their abilities.”

“Like… mojo?” (Y/N) questioned, causing Dean to chuckle at the comparison.

“Yeah, sugar, like mojo.” Gabriel smiled, while he continued to talk. “It’s part of us, what makes us angels, and archangels. But, we can be robbed of it, it can be removed from us.”

The woman nodded, noticing how the words seemed to die in his throat. “Were you… did someone take it from you?”

Gabriel moved his head to the side, having a bit of a hard time to continue the conversation. “No, but it  _ is _ gone.” 

“We got a call from him, which was why we were gone a couple of days.” Dean added, “he’d been wandering around, like a lost dog.”

“Wow, first of all: rude.” Gabriel spat, “second: I’m right here. And, third: screw you.” The sound of her laugh allowed him to relax, and completely forget why he was upset just a moment ago.  

“Would it be too inconvenient for me…. To move in here now?” she suddenly asked, halfway through her 3rd beer. 

The eyes of all of the guys at the bunker shot up to her, taken aback by her question. Sam and Dean’s moved from her to one another, as they silently discussed their answer.

Gabriel, however, kept staring at her. The burning sensation from not blinking and his heart rapidly beating, were two things he hadn’t experienced until then. It would take him a while to get used to being human.

“Wha-  _ now,  _ now? Are you sure? I mean… your memories-” 

“I know…” She interrupted Sam, “I know we had agreed on something, and I know my memories aren’t completely back. But, I just…” She glanced at the bottle on her hands, and then to the graceless archangel sitting close to her. 

Finding the words to express how she felt having him around, seemed impossible at the moment. There was a sense of clarity, and comfort, but Sam had already mentioned how he’d never seen them together, except for the time they met.

“You can stay,” Castiel’s deep voice caught everyone’s attention.  “If you feel good here, you can.”

She smiled at him, wondering if he’d read her thoughts somehow. 

“Is it a good idea?” Dean inquired. “Don’t get me wrong, we have wanted her here since day one, but… We just don’t want to force anything.”

“If she’s asking, it’s because she’s sure of it.” The angel assured.

After a long silence, Gabriel spoke. “Need help packing?’

* * *

 

_ “Alright, so what’s our next move?” Sam inquired as he placed a hand over his mouth, clearly on the edge. _

_ “I- I- I-... I don’t know.” Dean stuttered, “Grab those poor saps outta the freezer I guess? Bust ‘em out?” He was rambling, coming up with whatever flashed through his mind. “Gank a few freaks along the way if we’re lucky?” _

_ “If we’re lucky?” She almost yelled, about to point out their misfortunes, but someone else did before she could. _

_ “And when are you ever lucky?” Gabriel was now seated on the couch by the lamp, leaning against it in a relaxed manner. _

_ “Well you know what, bite me, Gabriel.” Dean spat bitterly. _

_ “Maybe later, big boy.” _

_ “I should've known. I mean this had your stink all over it from the jump.” The blonde Winchester accused, causing her brows to shoot up to her hairline in response. _

_ “You think I’m behind this? Please.” The archangel retorted, standing up from his seat. “I’m the Costner to your Houston. I’m here to save your ass.” _

_ “You wanna pull us outta the fire?” Dean’s tone was skeptical, and very rightfully so.  _

_ “Bingo! Those guys are either gonna dust you, or use you as bait.” He paced around the room, looking around anywhere but her. “Either way you’re uber boned.” _

_ Sam turned to her with an alarmed look on his face, his jaw clenched so tight she could swear his teeth would pay for it. _

_ “Wow, 'cause a couple of months ago you were telling us that we need to ‘play our roles’. You're uber boning us!” His brother kept on arguing with Gabriel, an argument she knew he wasn’t going to win. _

_ “Ohh... The end is still nigh. Michael and Lucifer are gonna dance the lambada, but not tonight. Not here.” He assured. _

_ “And why do you care?” Dean finally asked. _

_ His amber eyes locked with hers for less than a second, but it felt longer. Something shone in them, as he hesitated to answer the question. She could feel her heart turning and dancing inside of her, wondering if it was time to come clean. _

_ There might not be time to do it after. _

“(Y/N)?” A soft knock accompanied by Dean’s voice woke her up.

It took her a moment to process why was Dean at her door, since she hadn’t been living at the bunker for more than a couple of days. Meeting darkness when opening her eyes was still slightly alarming, but since the whole place was underground, there never was enough light.

Dragging herself out of the bed as fast as she could, she took slow steps towards the door, and opened it to meet him.

“Mornin’...” she rasped.

“Hey, killer. Coffee, breakfast?” He offered, holding a cup of steaming liquid up to her face.

She took the cup carefully, and opened the door of her room to lean against the frame. “What time is it?” 

“Barely past 10, we would let you sleep longer but, Sam and I found a case. We wanted to let you know where we’re going, before we left.” He explained.

“Am I staying alone?” A tickle of anxiety messed with her stomach, making her realize she didn’t really want to be alone.

“Actually… uhm, Gabriel offered to stay behind with you. He really doesn’t thinks he can be of much help without his grace.” Dean said in a low whisper, as if he was telling her something he shouldn’t.

Her nerves soothed, but only for a moment, before the weird dream she was having just a couple of minutes ago flashed through her head. It was clearly a new memory, but there was something odd about it that she couldn’t really pinpoint. 

Was it really about the day they met?

“Are you okay with that?” The oldest Winchester’s question snapped her out of her thoughts, making her focus back on the present.

A simple nod was her response, as she kept on drinking the beverage in her hands. Maybe reuniting with someone new would trigger different memories on her mind. Even if they only seemed to be a couple.


	3. Chapter 3

The mood in the bunker was silent and calm, and the smell of coffee traveled from the kitchen to the library, where the couple was. Surrounded by angel lore, Gabriel focused on trying to find answers. About his grace, about her memory, _anything_. He just wanted to feel useful, and help in any way he could. 

That was mostly how they’d spent their weekend alone. In the library, him reading his life away looking for something helpful, while she settled with books about supernatural beings, or history. 

There were times when she would seclude herself in her room for no apparent reason, and wouldn’t come out until it was time to eat. Since she was the one in charge of cooking, given Gabriel was a complete and utter disaster in the kitchen.

At least he had been able to make her smile with his,  _several_ , failed attempts at making a round hotcake.

That day seemed to be a good one, considering she hadn’t left his side at all. Being buried beneath in his own thoughts however, didn’t allow him to notice her eyes staring deeply into him. 

Across the table, (Y/N) ignored the book she’d put down to read, completely mesmerized by the graceless archangel seated in front of her. Silently, she admired every detail of Gabriel’s face. 

His brows furrowed and wiggled when reacting to what he read, while he softly squinted, causing the corner of his eyes to crinkle. She noticed the puffed bags under his eyes, and the way his lips pressed into a thin line as he concentrated. 

She particularly liked the shape of his long, slightly crooked nose, and the lines alongside of it, that went down to the corners of his mouth. The shadow of his beard seemed appealing, and she couldn't help picturing herself trailing a finger from his cheek down to his lips.

Gabriel suddenly raised his eyes from the book to meet hers, and something on his gaze shifted once he stared back. His mouth opened as if to say something, but he quickly closed it, and smiled while taking a deep breath in.

“Is it strange?” Her question took him by surprise, not quite understanding what she meant.

“Uh, what’s strange?” Gabriel asked back, knowing well to wait for her to speak before bringing up things she probably didn’t remembered.  

“Spending time with me like _this_. ” She explained, running a hand through her hair as she accommodated the thoughts in her mind. “Me treating you like… like we’ve never met before.”

“Been through strangerer.” He tried to comfort her, deciding not to answer to her question. “I mean, at least you _do_ remember we knew each other.”

(Y/N) softly nodded, barely smiling as she tried to recollect memories of him. “Yeah, Sam told me we met once, I think it was at this weird motel. That’s as far as I remember.”

He unconsciously clenched his jaw, impotence and frustration suddenly gnawing at his insides. “I see,” he simply said.

“Although, I’m not quite sure that was it.” She added.

If it wasn’t for all the attention she was paying him, the way the light on his eyes shifted would’ve gone completely unnoticed. His reaction sparked a thought on her brain, the need of knowing more clouded her judgement, and made her forget how Castiel had asked her to tread carefully. 

He remained quiet, but she could tell he wanted to ask more. 

“I wanna show you something.” Without waiting for his response, she stood from her seat, and quickly left the library.

He didn’t know whether to follow or stay in place, but watching her go froze him. Gabriel noticed the way her hips swayed, and how she jumped as she fasted the pace towards her room. A strong punch in his chest made him flinch, and it took him a moment to remember how it felt when his heart beated at a faster rhythm.   

Gabriel wondered if trying to get used to being human would drive him insane, even more when everything was so difficult and confusing. The next moment though, he felt completely selfish, for at least he still remembered who he was, unlike her.

How humans managed to deal with so many contradictory emotions, was beyond him.

When she was back, her arms full of papers, his eyes were lost somewhere in the room. She stood in silence, wondering if it’d be right of her to interrupt the thoughts dancing around in his mind. 

“Gabriel?” She barely whispered, placing her things down on the table with a soft sound.

He blinked twice, and softly smiled as he found her face. But it didn’t last long when he saw all the papers sprawled in front of him. He turned to her with a raised brow, silently asking what were those.

“I drew these, way before the Winchesters came around.” Her voice trembled timidly, as she pushed the drawings closer for him to see. 

Gabriel’s gaze fell from her to the drawings, and for a moment he forgot how to breathe, when he found himself immortalized in many different styles, on many different portraits. His mouth fell open, finally taking a deep breath in. He took some of her works as carefully as possible, afraid of ruining them in any way.

(Y/N) stood in silence watching his reaction, and fidgeting her hands. She could notice all the emotions that went through him in his expressions, which lasted less than a second. There was so much she wanted to say, ask, and so did he, but neither did.

“I’ve been thinking about you for as long as I can remember, but…” A heavy sigh left her chest, and she finally sat down across from him. “Why?”

The question vanished in the air, as Gabriel’s golden eyes still focused on each, and every single one of her artworks. He could feel something forming in his throat, making it hard for him to breathe or speak.

After all those years, he was never truly gone.

“Gabriel?” Without giving it a thought, she reached to him, and placed her hand above his.

_ “Is this a joke? Trick?” She inquired, arms across her chest as if she was shielding herself from something.  _

_ He huffed, almost laughing at her question, but he was far too upset to do so. “You really think I would joke about something like this? I like to believe I’m not  _ _that_ _ much of a jackass.” _

_ “Well, that’s not what I’ve heard.”  _

_ His brows knitted in response, making him look almost hurt. “You don’t know me, and neither do your friends the Winchesters. I’ve never done anything harmful to you, you can’t deny me that.”  _

_ A tense silence made its way between them, and she finally let her arms fall to her sides, sighing defeatedly. She passed both hands through her hair, closing her eyes to try and calm down for a moment. _

_ She really couldn’t with a pair of piercing, amber eyes staring into her.  _

_ “I’m sorry, Gabriel.” Her apology was barely a whisper, her eyes focused solely on the floor. “I’m freaking out.” _

_ “Me too, sugar.” His body moved towards her ever so slightly, as he seemingly hesitated to diminish some distance between them.  _

_ She wondered what were his intentions, but there was nothing else she could think of but feeling  _ _him._ _ It was strange, and strong, like an enormous magnet over her frail, metallic body. _

_ Perhaps it was because of the apocalypse dawning upon them. _

She jerked her hand away from him almost immediately, taking in it up to her chest while she trembled. A feeling of dread began to make its way through her, without really knowing why. The scene that had just played on her head made her uneasy, and scared.

“(Y/N), are you okay?” Gabriel stood from his seat, and walked over to her.

“Don’t touch me, please!” She yelped, stepping away from his reach.

The honeycomb haired man held his hands in the air, and also took walked back, showing her he was willing to give all the distance she needed. There was nothing but pure panic in her eyes, and Gabriel noticed. He was trying to stay calm as well, fighting the urge to touch her in an attempt to soothe her.

“What’s wrong? Can I help you?” He asked in a soft voice, trying not to startle her more.

The sound of her heavy, ragged breathing filled the room, and she stood still, staring at him with wide eyes. The atmosphere felt so heavy and tense, neither were able to hear the Winchesters arriving from their hunt. 

Dean’s green eyes widened when noticing (Y/N)’s alert posture, while Gabriel stood away from her, his hands still in the air.

“What the hell is going on?” He questioned, staring at the former archangel menacingly. 

“I don’t know.” Gabriel quickly replied, too focused on her to care about the blonde’s protective older brother role. 

“Shut up, shut up.” She muttered, closing her eyes as she breathed deeply and slowly. 

Images kept flashing through her head, causing a migraine to drill into her brain. They were blurry, and almost abstract; there was a distant ear piercing noise, screaming, but also laughter, warm and hearty laughter.

_ She laid in the middle of the big motel bed by herself, newspaper clippings and old printed articles sprawled around her. There wasn’t anything for her to hunt, but she couldn’t keep driving back home, exhaustion finally had gotten the best of her. _

_ The tv was on, while she read a book. She was always alert enough to notice everything going on around her, including the voice of the man in the news channel, in case anything of interest came up. Yet the sound of fluttering wings, and the way the mattress dipped next to her didn’t moved her focus from the text in her hands. _

_ “Meanwhile, the number of deaths has increased enormously this year.” The anchorman’s hoarse voice announced, showing a colored graph with various death percentages and their causes.   _

_ Gabriel frowned at it, and huffed as he watched the man going into detail about it. He wondered what was the point of being so thorough with unfortunate things. _

_ “Did you know that manslaughter is the least serious murder charge?” She suddenly asked, her eyes still down on the book. _

_ “You don’t say.” The archangel said, a slight tone of amusement in his voice. _

_ “Manslaughter. Literally, the slaughter of a man.” The young woman continued, closing the book and turning to meet his honey eyes. “Sounds brutal, doesn’t it?” _

_ “Heinous.” Gabriel affirmed, his characteristic devious smirk pulling his lips. _

_ “Yet it’s the most socially acceptable form of murder.” She continued, shifting and changing her posture to accommodate herself better next to him. _

_ “So you think we should change the name?” _

_ “Yes, I do!” Her voice was firm, and confident. “How about ‘inadvertent life-ending’?” She suggested, tilting her head to the side, thinking about more options. “Unintentional snuff-out.” _

_ The archangel raised a finger in the space between them, his mouth forming an “o” as he thought about his suggestion. “How about ‘I can’t believe is not murder’?” _

_ The seriousness on her face was thrown out the window, as she finally began to laugh uncontrollably. There was a warmth that surrounded her, as she leaned on to cuddle by his side. _

Castiel placed a hand over her forehead, using his grace to make sure she was okay. (Y/N) laid on her bed, where she’d been placed by Sam, since he was the one who caught her before falling on her knees. The angel focused on finding any anomalies instead of snooping into her mind, knowing better than to upset her any further.

Outside of her room, stood the two Winchesters and Gabriel, each one as concerned as the other. It took Dean a moment to believe Gabriel hadn’t actually done anything to her, only thanks to Castiel assuring so.

It was difficult enough for him to deal without his grace, even worse while having the oldest Winchester breathing down his neck all the time. He pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand, trying to calm down while his brother kept on checking her health. The other one kept curling up in a fist, and he clenched it tightly, still feeling her soft skin over his, even when it had just been for just a moment.

Castiel came out of the room after a while, his signature frown still on his face. 

“Is she alright?” Gabriel was the first to ask, an urgency almost palpable on his tone.

“As good as she can be, there’s nothing I can do to help. None of us, we just have to let it be.” He stated, knowing well they would try to press him into trying more.

“Do you know what happened? She had never passed out before,” Sam asked, his arms crossed over his chest.

“She probably… remembered too much, I suppose.” He hesitated to respond, walking away from her room to avoid waking her up. “Guys, I really don’t know what caused her memory loss, I-”

“It’s not memory loss, it’s more like they were manipulated in some way, or rewritten.” The former archangel corrected, keeping his voice down for only them to hear. “According to what you guys told me she can’t recall being a hunter, and claimed her life has always been normal. Doesn’t sounds like memory loss to me.”

“So, what? Curse maybe?” Dean suggested.

“Why would anyone curse her, instead of killing her? She hasn’t been in any kind of danger since you know, everything happened.” His brother noted.

A heavy silence made its way among them, as everyone tried to come up with their own conclusions. They reached the library where they sat without saying a word, still deep inside their heads.

“She touched my hand,” Gabriel suddenly spoke, causing the other three men to shoot their eyes at him. “I… I think that’s what caused this.”

“Why would it? You barely knew each other.” Dean questioned, an irritation almost palpable on his tone.

Amber searched for blue, and both celestial brothers stared at each other for a long second, which didn’t go unnoticed by the Winchesters. Castiel nodded softly, as he stood right next to Dean. The honey eyed man took a deep breath in, and leaned back against his seat to try and relax.

“There’s something that I have to tell you.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Is it done? Can I try it now?” She asked excitedly, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“Wait, at least let me get out of here first,” Dean laughed, as he stepped away from the car and cleaned his grease stained hands with an old rug.

He felt content with himself, proud of being able to bring a smile to her face. Lately, it seemed harder and harder to do so, as the memories came back.

Sam’s lips also curled up from watching her expression, while he sat on top of Dean's tool box. Still, a feeling of pity swirled inside his stomach, and his jaw clenched ever so slightly as he thought about all the time he'd been completely oblivious.

“Ok, give her a try,” his brother's voice snapped him out his trance, and he felt himself relax when focusing his attention back on the moment.

She turned the key slowly, almost afraid that the whole car would break if she did it too fast. A loud rumble filled the garage, and the car started right away.

Dean cheered loudly, raising a victorious fist in the air. (Y/N)’s Gran Torino had been abandoned since she disappeared after he left with Lisa, and he wasn't sure it would be possible to make it work after so many years. But he had, and a triumphant smile pulled his lips as he watched her beaming behind the steering wheel.

The smell of leather filled her lungs, and a well-known feeling of nostalgia struck her immediately. She turned towards the passenger seat, and was almost able to see him sitting there.

_The moonlight shone in the puddles of water on the pavement, the rain not showing signs of stopping anytime soon. Her old Nick Cave CD played on the stereo, his thick, hoarse voice and various instruments creating a calm atmosphere between them._

_They didn't had a destination. Three days ago, she packed a bag and hit the road without knowing where she wanted to go. When she first stopped for gas, Gabriel was leaning against the hood, and said nothing as he took his place in the passenger seat._

_Driving and listening to her music was all they did, only stopping when she wanted to sleep in the backseat. With an archangel riding shotgun, no matter how much she drove, stopping for gas or food was no longer necessary._

_Before falling asleep, she silently thanked him for everything he did, and also for giving her exactly what she needed; silence, and some time away from having to save the world on a daily basis._

_Deep down, she knew she also needed him by her side._

_Him, and nothing else._

“You’re staring.”

Dean’s brows shoot up slightly at her call out, and his mouth quirked as he tried his best to come up with something to say. “Uh?” Was all his brain allowed.

Sam, who was sitting next to her, immediately moved his focus from his laptop to his brother, the sound of the keyboard as he typed had stopped. He debated on what to do: interfere and save Dean’s ass, or wait for her to say something else. Finding it was the safest choice, he decided for the latter.

“You’re staring at me, _again_.” She explained, her eyes not moving away from her own laptop. “You’ve been doing it since I passed out the other day, it’s beginning to bother me.”

He shifted awkwardly in his seat, while Sam looked at him with wide eyes. “Well, I-” Dean stuttered, mentally berating himself for being caught off guard.

“I know why you're doing it.” She claimed, causing both brothers breath to hitch.

Panicked green eyes searched for hazel, silently screaming for help. Sam moved his head side to side, as unable to think about something to say as Dean.

“I’m okay Dean, I’m not gonna faint the moment you stop looking over me.” (Y/N) stated, visibly irritated, finally locking eyes with him. “I’m not a kid.”

The oldest Winchester’s shoulders fell as he took a deep breath in, seemingly relaxing, and Sam did as well. “C-cut him some slack, (Y/N). He’s worried for you, _we_ _a_ _ll_ are.” The brunette finally intervened, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

The young woman turned towards Sam, and stared at him with a raised brow. “I'm fine,” she insisted.

“Yeah man, leave her alone.” Dean said.

Her attention moved back to him, and she squinted her eyes, brows furrowing as she stared at the blonde. “ _You're_ the one to talk, you're the one permanently staring.” She noted, suspicion beginning to creep inside her.

The mood turned silent and awkward, given Dean had ruined the chance of diverting her attention to Sam. He swallowed hard, jaw clenching as her penetrating gaze stayed on him.  

“What's going on?” (Y/N) inquired, closing her laptop to focus on the conversation.

“Going on with what?” The youngest Winchester quickly jumped, silently asking his brother to keep quiet.

“There's something going on that you aren't telling me, I know those looks in your faces.” One of her fingers pointed dangerously close to his face. “Spill it.”

They both chuckled nervously, and Sam pushed her hand away from him. “There's nothing going on. You're paranoid.”

“Oh, am I? Don't you think I haven't noticed you guys muttering stuff behind my back.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest, pursing her lips in discontent.

“Who’s been muttering?” A fourth, raspy and tired voice asked behind her.

She unconsciously sat straighter in his presence, immediately tensing as well. The more she remembered, she began to feel weird around him. It wasn't unpleasant, nor uncomfortable. But it was unknown and slightly alarming.

Silence was the answer he received, as he walked around to sit on the table across from her. He avoided her eyes, once noticing she was doing so as well.

“Uuh, good morning?” He said in a low voice, sensing the atmosphere in the library.

“Morning, Gabriel.” The woman said as she opened her laptop, doing her best to focus back on work.

“Have you had breakfast yet?” Sam asked, hoping to keep a somewhat normal conversation flowing.

“No, I just woke up.” Gabriel replied, rubbing his face in an attempt to awaken. “I slept like 12 hours and I'm _still_ feeling tired.”

Both Winchester brothers chuckled, remembering how long it took Cas to get a good night sleep when he was graceless.  

“Yeah, that's how it's going to be for a while. We do have some pills if you can't sleep well.” Dean offered.

Her eyes snapped from the laptop to him, brows furrowing as she stared at the green-eyed man. There hadn’t been a moment where Dean was anything but a douchebag towards Gabriel.

Lately, however, he'd been particularly relaxed. Nice, even. It was odd, normally Sam would be the one trying to keep things at peace, but she chose to let it go, still nervous about the former archangel being there.

“So, what did you guys do while I was getting my beauty sleep?” He asked, smiling as if everything was normal.

“Dean was trying to fix (Y/N)’s car, but he couldn't.” Sam answered, a shit eating grin pulling his lips.

“Hey, I made it run for a solid 5 minutes. I'd like to see you do any better,” his brother jumped, pointing a finger at him.

“I could totally make it work better than you.”

“Oh, yeah? You don't know what you're saying, Samuel.”

She whistled at their small quarrel, entertained by their childish banter. “Oh, he called you by your full name.”

“Let's settle this,” Dean proposed. “Garage. Now.”

“You're on.”

Both brothers almost tripped while trying to be the first one to arrive to the garage. Pushing and shoving each other aside, making their way towards it.

The smile on her face faltered once realizing she had been left alone with Gabriel. She shifted in her seat, and tried to keep her thoughts solely on her work.

“How are-”

“Im good, fine. Great,” she interrupted him, not even daring to look him in the eyes.

He grimaced at her response, and avoided sighing loudly in discontent. “Are you-” he tried to reach out, make her comfortable, but she interrupted him again.

“Gabriel, please don't talk.” (Y/N) pleaded, her eyes finally raising from her laptop to face him. “I… I'm not- I just don't feel.... I'm confused, okay? It's been a lot and I need to focus on my job, please.”

Something ached inside her upon watching his smile fade away, and his eyes drop in discouragement. She felt like the biggest asshole in the world, and an urge to hold him burned inside her chest.

“Yeah, I get it. I'm sorry.” He barely muttered, his golden gaze falling down to his hands, as he allowed silence to take over the moment.

Her jaw clenched, immediately regretting snapping at him. “Don't apologize, it's not your fault.” She said softly, “I'm remembering, Gabriel. There's so much that's coming back, but I'm so confused. _Nothing_ makes sense. It's like a puzzle, and honestly? In a way I'm afraid of the truth.”

Gabriel remained quiet, and simply stared at her, hoping she would explain herself further.

She sighed heavily, and closed her laptop before speaking. “It just doesn't makes sense. I'm convinced you and I went through something, but I don't know what.” A small smile began to pull her lips, “There was this warehouse, and the hotel. _God_ , so many hotels,” she laughed, remembering that rainy night watching the news. “Unintentional snuff-out, do you remember that?”

Gabriel smiled, so widely and sincerely she felt her heart would burst out of her chest. “ _I Can't Believe is not Murder!_ ”

(Y/N) allowed herself to laugh, until a pang of despair interrupted it. Her eyes watered, scaring him when he noticed her about to cry.

“I feel safe with you,” she whispered, choking up while trying to continue. “But there's this dread, that's been eating me on the inside. And pain, it hurts to see you, to be around you.” She closed her eyes, tears immediately trailing down her cheeks. “I'm afraid you're going to disappear.”

He almost jumped from his seat, but forced himself to stay in place, terrified she would move away from his touch.

“I'm not, sugar.” He assured, concern painting over his features. “I won't.”

It was hard and exhausting to try to understand that fear. No matter how many memories came back to her, he was always there. The idea that he would simply disappear, or that something bad was going to happen to him, was unexplainable.  

But he knew why she felt that way, and so did the Winchesters. Yet it wasn't the time to let her know. There wasn't a thing that he felt capable of coming up with, to try and keep her from crying. Gabriel felt useless, and weak.

After a long minute, she wiped her tears and began to gather her things to leave. In a moment of weakness he reached out and grabbed her by the wrist, silently begging her to stay.

“I'm sorry,” she whimpered, relishing the feeling of his skin against hers. “I need to rest.”

He nodded as he reluctantly let her go, his eyes focusing in something invisible across the room while he heard her leave.

The strong vibration of her phone almost made her jump, and she gathered the last bit of composure left in her to clear her voice before answering.

“Hello?”

“(Y/N)! How are-- you know what? I'll make it quick” The tone of her co-worker’s voice in the other side of the line was annoyingly cheerful, yet she was thankful she didn't had the time to chat. “This art collector called, said he's interested in those paintings you have in the back room.”

“Charlotte, don't show my paintings to people. I told you I'm not selling them,” she sighed, upset about her friend doing the opposite of what she'd asked.

“But (Y/N)!” She whined loudly, making her wince at the sound of her high pitched voice, “It's your last week here, at least sell one more piece before you go. And who knows? He might even give you more than you expect, extra money can't hurt you!”

“Charlotte --”

“You can't say no, I already scheduled your meeting with him later this week.” She giggled, seemingly proud of her actions. “See you tomorrow, love you.”

(Y/N) stared at the phone as it went black, already wishing the week would end so she could kiss that job goodbye. She could always stop going, as Dean had suggested, but she wanted to make things the right way, for once.

Hard to do when her co-workers loved to try her temper.

* * *

 

Thursday came around, almost making her jump of happiness as she felt Friday just around the corner. The only thing she had to do the next day was to sit down from 8 to 5, and deal with everybody saying goodbye to her.

It was doable, and she could no longer wait going back to hunting, since the Winchesters had promised they would train her again.

Things at the bunker were calm, yet the interactions with Gabriel were still somewhat difficult. But she tried, and he did so as well. Giving her space when needed, and keeping her company when she felt the urge to be around him.

Her heels against the pavement were faint and almost rhythmic, product of her good mood. It wouldn't be long for either Sam or Dean to pick her up, since the youngest brother wasn't able to fix her car any better than Dean could.

“(Y/N)!” Someone yelled her name, quickly following behind before she could reach the parking lot. “Where do you think you're going?!” Charlotte inquired, almost out of breath and careful not to damage her designer shoes.

“Home? It's almost 5 o’clock.”

“No! The art collector is here, he's waiting for you in the back, come on,” she urged, walking back into the building with her.

Can't it be tomorrow morning? I'm really tired,” she pouted, wishing to be back at the bunker, a faint yearning to see Gabriel inside her.

“No, he's here now. Move it!”

There wasn't a point on fighting her and she knew, so she followed tiredly and slow as she could. Maybe that way the collector would get annoyed and leave early.

In the middle of the room, stood a sharp dressed man, who examined one of the pieces Charlotte had bought for herself when she first joined the gallery. He immediately turned towards them, as if he had eyes on his back.

His face remained neutral when they were introduced, and also grim and silent as a tomb on their way to the back. _Unsettling_ seemed to be the only appropriate word to describe his whole existence, but she knew better than to react hostile.

“Is there any piece in particular that you were interested in?” She tried her best to seem friendly and polite, despite him giving her nothing but his blank stare.

“Yes.” Was his flat response.

“And that would be?” She inquired, the smile pulling her lips almost hurting from how much she was forcing it.

She flicked the lights of the storage room on, and stared at her own paintings in the walls. Most of them were simple and meaningless, except for one.

“That one,” the voice of the collector almost made her jump, since she had forgotten he was with her.

His crooked finger pointed to the painting in middle of the wall. It was exactly the one she didn't intend to sell, since it was Gabriel. The painting was too big to take it to the bunker, and she didn't need the brothers teasing her about it.

She walked long steps towards it, and took a moment to admire the piece herself. The former archangel was kneeled down on the grass, admiring something that wasn't on the canvas.

There was a softness in his eyes, and a faint smile that she hadn't seen since they were reunited. But she remembered it, and missed it deeply. Golden surrounded his body, forming two wings that hid behind his back.

“I'm… sorry,” she finally said, smiling at the memory of that afternoon together. “This one is not on sale.” (Y/N) declared, watching his stiff figure in the reflection of the empty glass frame next to her painting.

“Pity,” he quickly spat, his voice suddenly hoarse. “I was hoping you'd cooperate.” His words didn't make sense.

The reflecting light of the blade that came out of his sleeve, sent a wave of panic through her entire body.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter.

He hated being in the fucking car.

Traveling in it made him feel locked, confined, useless,  _human_. It reminded him of how powerful he once was, and how power _less_  he was _now_. The silence inside of his head, and inside the impala, drove him insane. He was used to listening to everything. From the muffled voices of his siblings in the back of his head, to the flap of a butterfly’s wings at the other end of the world.

For him, it was hell on earth. But for her, he endured it.

Gabriel yearned being with her all the time. Since he couldn’t feel her anymore, he needed to see her, be with her. And he knew the only way to spend as much time together as they could, was if he joined the boys when they picked her up from work.

Autumn was bleeding into Winter, the road was covered in dried and crisp leaves, some of which flew around as the impala’s tires ran over them. The least he could do to calm himself, was focus on whatever was happening around him.

At last they arrived, and now it was time to wait for her to find them in the parking lot. If there was anything worse than traveling in that thing, it was waiting inside of it. He rested his forehead against the window, and felt the coldness of it cool down his skin.

_“I’m gonna ask you something, and I’m gonna need you to be 100% honest about it.” He saw her jump ever so slightly, but was far too annoyed to even think about teasing her over it._

_Gentle rain tapped against the hood of her Gran Torino. The sky was a grayish blue, and Gabriel knew how much she loved days like these. Still, it was too cold for her to be chilling **outside**  of the car. He knew she liked feeling the rain on her skin, but he had grown tired of having to take care of her when she got the flu._

_“What?” She asked, barely above a whisper. It was then that **he knew** , she knew he was upset._

_“Do you just take for granted that I’m going to be here whenever you decide you want to catch pneumonia?”_

_The young woman avoided his inquiring gaze, fiddling with her fingers and noticing how rain was no longer falling over her. Her eyes rolled up, and stared directly at the exact spot where the raindrops were stopping._

_“Hey, I’m talking to you here, crazy eyes.” He snapped his fingers in front of her face, demanding her attention._

_“I was just -”_

“What the hell?”

Dean’s concerned voice brought him back from his trance, and felt extremely confused as he watched both brothers frantically getting out of the car. He immediately followed, and felt his heart drop from his chest when seeing people running out from the buildings.

The fire alarm was on, and everybody was evacuating. Panic began to gnaw his insides when the place began to empty up, and she was still nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Something burned inside of her, something she didn’t even know was there. Call it luck, call it instinct, the moment he swung the silver blade towards her, she ducked and rolled over, causing him to stab the canvas instead.

Adrenaline kicked in right away, and she ran like she never had before. To where, she still didn’t know, so her first idea was to find a security guard. Her heart was hammering her chest, it felt as if it would burst out of her. It wasn’t the first time she’d felt like that.

_“Get her out of here,” Gabriel ordered, pushing her away from him, and closer to the Winchesters._

_Her words got caught up on her throat, she tried to pull him with them, **drag** him along if needed to. She wasn’t going to let him there alone for anything in the world._

_“Over a girl. Gabriel, really? I mean I knew you were slumming, but…” Lucifer teased him, and held his hands up in the air, wiggling his fingers as he dramatically scrunched his nose. “I hope you didn’t catch anything.”_

_“Gabriel…”  She cried, as Sam almost carried her out of the room. “GABRIEL!”_

_He looked at her one last time…_

“Randy!” (Y/N) yelled, immediately startling the poor guard outside the storage room.

Before he could reply, the man following her suddenly appeared behind him, and stabbed him through the back. But she didn’t scream, she didn’t cry. Instead, she ran directly towards him, the man seemed taken aback for a short second, and then ran to her as well. He tried to stab her again, but she blocked him and held the blade inches away from her face.

“Who are you?!” She questioned, almost gagging with the pungent smell of sulfur and rotten egg that suddenly hit her nose.

“Where’s the archangel?” He quipped back, instead of answering her inquiry.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she lied, and managed to punch him straight in the face.

_“Where are the Winchesters?”_

_“I. Don’t. Know.” She spat, painfully clenching her teeth._

Demon. He was a demon, they smelled like sulfur and something rotten, she remembered.

“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus -” The words flowed out of her lips without a thought, but he quickly interrupted her, smashing his head against her nose.

He swung at her again, but she was quick. Her body moved on its own, like she’d never stopped hunting.

The pain and the sensation of warm blood instantly dripping from her nose almost made her pass out, so she started running away again. Her eyes burned as she held back the tears that blurred her vision when she jumped over Randy’s corpse.

She had to come up with a way to evacuate the building, or someone else would die because of her stupidity. Thankfully, the answer to his current problem was a bright, red box, wired to the wall at the end of the hall.

* * *

“Where’s (Y/N)?!” Sam asked, his voice almost cracking when everybody but her was outside.

The three of them were now sprinting towards the entrance, pushing the guards that were keeping them from going through. Gabriel was rabid, impotence seeping through his pores as he tried his best to shove away the slightly taller guard holding him down.

“We’re FBI!” Dean argued, pulling his badge out of his jacket.

“This is the fire department’s business, you can’t go there until they arrive,” the guard retorted, trying to push him away.

They were getting desperate, anxiety was dumbing them down, panic was crippling their sense. Anyone could see them on the verge of throwing a punch. But they knew it wouldn’t be wise, the least thing they needed was getting arrested when she was probably in danger.

“Listen,  _buddy_.” Gabriel finally spoke through gritting teeth. “My wife is in there, and if you don’t let me through, I’ll make sure you won’t find a fucking job for the rest of your insignificant life. Not even in the shittiest dump you can think of, ya hear?!” He threatened him, holding him by the collar as he spat every word straight to his face.

Instead of replying, the guard simply nodded his head, moving aside to let the trio enter the building.

“Are you –” The tallest Winchester began to ask, glancing at the former archangel as they ran through the halls.  

“We have to find her,” he cut him off, not even bothering to look at him.

_Lucifer held her up in the air by the neck, this wasn’t how things were supposed to happen. They had a plan, and it was all going to shit just because she’d tried to save Kali’s life._

_He moved her close to him, forcing her to look at him in the eye as he spoke: “You’re always getting in my way, when will you learn this isn’t about you? The only ones who matter, are the Winchesters, you stupid –”_

_With a flick of his wrist, he was sent flying across the room and she fell down like a sack of sand. “(Y/N),” Gabriel called her name sweetly, healing the bruises of her neck with the soft caress of his fingertips. “You’re safe, I got you.”_

* * *

Why was this happening? How did he find her? How long had he known about her? About him?

There were so many questions floating inside her head. The only thing she knew, was that he was after Gabriel.

She couldn’t run to the parking lot, they had to be there already. If he had tagged along with the brothers, she would be guiding the demon directly to the archangel. (Y/N) then decided she would rather handle this alone for as long as she could, instead of leading him to Gabriel.

_“Excuse me? I smite demons, take care of you. Hell, I’d take a bullet for you, and you complain about the timing?” He asked, placing a hand over his chest in a mock offense._

He’d saved her many times, so many times. From monsters, from demons, from his own brother. She knew it was her turn to keep him safe.

“If you tell me where he is I’ll kill you faster!” The demon sing-sang from behind her. He was getting close, too damn close.

She kept running, not even thinking about stopping, it wasn’t only her life that was on the line. Finally, she reached the door that led to the patio which all the buildings shared. If she could sneak somewhere, she could call the boys, and tell them to hide Gabriel away.

_“Can you feel my heart beat?”_

The fresh air hit her lungs, it was then that she realized she wouldn’t be capable of running any longer.

“(Y/N)!”

Fuck.

It was him, it was  _his_  voice. She wanted to cry, she wanted to run the opposite way.

_“And if I die tonight?”_

_“I’ll bury you in your favorite yellow patent leather shoes.”_

_“Don’t **Cave**  me, mister. It’s unfair.”_

_“You’re not gonna die.” He affirmed, allowing a moment of seriousness to take over him, “I’m not gonna let you.”_

She couldn’t protect him, she couldn’t save him like he had saved her.

_“And why do you care?” Dean finally asked._

_His amber eyes locked with hers for less than a second, but it felt longer. Something shone in them, as he hesitated to answer the question. She could feel her heart turning and dancing inside of her, wondering if it was time to come clean._

_There might not be time to do it after._

“Gabriel, run!” She begged, almost breathless.

And he did, but it was straight towards her, Sam and Dean following right behind.

_“Is this a joke? Trick?” She inquired, arms across her chest as if she was shielding herself from something._

_He huffed, almost laughing at her question, but he was far too upset to do so. “You really think I would joke about something like this? I like to believe I’m not **that** much of a jackass.”_

Every single memory of her life, of  _their_  life together flowed back into her mind. It was both beautiful and overwhelming.

_“Hey, I’m talking to you here, crazy eyes.” He snapped his fingers in front of her face, demanding her attention._

_“I was just… I really love the color of your wings.”_

_“…. **What**?”_

She couldn’t keep running. The truth was there, everything made sense. It was then that she realized why the demon had gone after her. The only thing left to do now was wonder how she didn’t realize before.

_“Did you ever expect someone like me to be your soulmate?”_

_He laughed, loudly. “Aside from the fact that I never imagined I had one, when I did, I never thought I’d be so fortunate that it would be you.”_

They were soulmates.

And he’d died.

Emotions that couldn’t be described clenched her heart and pressed her lungs. Tears flowed from her eyes like waterfalls, breathing burned her chest. It was useless to keep running.

When did she stop? She had no idea, she only knew she had after feeling the blade piercing through her heart.

The last thing she saw and heard, was Gabriel’s inhuman screaming, and his majestic golden wings bursting from his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, but... this story will have an epilogue. 
> 
> One of my old fics happens to be the prologue, but that was kind of an easter egg for my oldest readers. If you wish to check it out, it's named Higgs Boson Blues.


	6. Epilogue

The mood in the room is like no other. 

Everybody wants to ask, to  _know_ , but no one dares to say a word. Some of them even go as far as to avoiding looking into someone else’s eyes. Especially either of them.

There’s a somewhat bitter smile on his face, because he knows, and so does she. But he’s also capable of listening to every thought and question running through their minds. It boils his blood in the worst of ways, because it wasn’t anybody's fault they ended up like that. 

They’re sitting across from each other, despite all the time being away, he feels as though a distance must be kept. Or else. 

Dean clears his throat, and all the eyes in the room lock with his. He seems to instantly regret doing that to catch their attention, but the point of focus is now him, and he  _has_ to say something. 

But before he can, she takes a deep breath, successfully making all of them to turn to her. The library feels even tenser, somehow, like a thousand tiny needles menacing to penetrate any inch of skin. 

And so, she speaks.

_ There was nothing left. Good or bad, and they both knew.  _

_ Despite them always knowing everything was going to end, neither of them expected it to end like  _ **_that._ **

_ She stared into his green eyes, and saw the loss, the helplessness. She wondered whether he noticed that in her as well, when Gabriel died. _

_ It’s most likely he didn’t, but she wouldn’t hold it against him. She’s well aware their losses aren’t similar in the slightest, and they did always kept their bond a secret. _

_ Dean opened the door of the impala for her to hop in, not a word was said. There’s no need for it. In fact, not a single sound left their lips as they rode. Whether by tiredness, shock or grief, they’re speechless, and completely unable to think.  _

_ Bobby was gone, he needed his rest. He’d died by Lucifer’s hand less than a couple hours ago, while wearing Sam as a meatsuit, nonetheless.  _

_ Only heaven knows where Castiel headed.  _ **_Literally_ ** _. A part of her felt Dean’s grief was doubled because of it, but figured it was better to keep that thought to herself. _

_ And Sam. _

_ Jesus Christ, where did Sam ended up?  _

_ Did he die as soon as he threw himself down to the pit? Did he live to find himself in “the cage”? She could only hope God cared enough to  _ **_at least_ ** _ send Sam to heaven, away from Lucifer.  _

_ A sick feeling began to bubble up on her stomach, what if Sam was suffering and they can’t do a damn thing about it? She pushed her fingers into her eyes, forcing that thought into the darkest corners of her mind, and burying it beneath the numbness she’d forced herself to feel since that night in Indiana.  _

_ Gabriel suddenly reclaimed his spot back into her thoughts, her pain. It made her want to scream, but Dean was driving and she wanted to avoid an accident. That’s the last thing they needed that day. _

_ “Is there anywhere you want to go?” He asked her, but it took her a moment to realize he said anything at all. His voice was hoarse, the question died down in his throat before he got to the end of it.  _

_ He was trying not to cry, not to breakdown. It broke her heart even further.  _

_ “No, but if you do, don’t let me stop you. I know what you promised him.” _

_ Dean’s mouth fell open at her words, and for the first time since they got inside the car, he turned to look at her. There were tears on his eyes, and he can’t come up with anything else to say. _

Sam is looking down to the floor, trying his best to pace his respirations. This entire conversation is taking a toll on everyone, but it’s needed. 

_They_ need to listen, and  _she_ needs to vent. 

Her eyes are lost somewhere in the room. All the memories of her time alone, without the Winchesters, Bobby or Castiel, cause the feeling of abandonment to wash down over her like a wave. But the mere fact that she remembers Gabriel was dead for over 7 years, has anxiety crippling her in every way possible.

He suddenly places a hand over hers, and she can feel a warmth spreading from his palm. The heat transfers from his skin to hers, and then travels from the back of her hand up to her arm and the rest of her body.

Gabriel doesn’t says it, but it’s his way of reminding her he’s very much alive. And, hopefully, that he isn’t planning on leaving her ever again. 

Her eyes meet his gold ones. They’re dark, and somber, despite his efforts to keep a soft smile for her. She can feel his worry, his pain, his longing, and about a thousand more emotions swirling inside him. This soulmates thing is more explicit than she thought it was going to be. 

“What happened then?” Castiel asks, probably not wanting to hear about how Dean left with Lisa. She knows he avoids talking about her like the plague. 

She hesitates to continue, what's coming isn’t pleasant, her actions make her feel weak and selfish. 

“You aren’t. You  _weren’t_ ,” the archangel reassures, catching her self deprecating thought, and squeezing her hand to focus her back on him, in an attempt to keep her calm. “You don’t have to explain anything,” Gabriel reminds her. 

Instead of a verbal response, she nods, and then takes a sharp breath in. 

_ There were plenty of ways of knowing how much time had passed, but she didn’t care. Her way of staying occupied is by hunting. And sleeping. And drinking. _

_ Drinking is the only thing that keeps the nightmares away. A little over half a bottle is enough to knock her out and guarantee a dreamless slumber. It probably isn’t healthy, it will probably kill her sooner than a monster. _

_ She hadn’t heard from Bobby, or Dean, she’d changed her cellphone long ago. It wasn’t right, and it wasn’t fair to Bobby, but she really couldn’t pretend her heart didn’t bled for Gabriel. She’d spent the entire apocalypsis trying to act calm and collected, just so the guys could focus on stopping it.  _

_ Just so Gabriel’s sacrifice wasn’t in vain.  _

_ There was a particular night when the alcohol wasn’t enough. A storm that had threatened to fall finally did after a week of clouds and thunder. The rain violently tapped against the window of the room, and droplets of water fell down through the roof.  _

_ She tossed and turned in bed, and woke up 8 times covered in sweat and tears, her throat sore from screaming his name in the darkness. _

_ It was then that she realized it had been a whole year since he died. A whole year since the Winchesters dragged her from that place, and watched in confusion as she wept over an archangel that had done nothing but give them hell.  _

_ She allowed herself to cry, to scream and to let go. The hotel room suffered by her hand, everything was broken, torn and ripped. She prayed her pain would wash away with the rain, that her loneliness and impotence would be ripped from her soul.  _

_ When someone knocked on her door, she almost punched herself, they were going to kick her out, and there was nowhere near where she could run off to with that storm. _

_ Her hand rested on the knob longer than it should’ve, she was unreasonably afraid all of a sudden. It wouldn’t be the first time they’d kicked her from a place, but there was a rather menacing aura coming from the other side of the door. _

_ After taking a moment to herself, she turned the doorknob, and prepared for whatever was going to happen.  _

_ Except nothing in the universe could’ve even earned her about what she was going to encounter on the other side. Let alone  _ **_who_ ** _. _

_ “Chuck?” _

The way everybody takes a sharp breath is rather particular. While she did expect them to be surprised about her visitor, there is something else in the looks the boys throw at each other. 

“Chuck, Chuck  _Shurley_ was outside of your room that night?” Sam questions in a hesitant manner, after a long moment when no one seems to find a single thing to say. 

“Yeah, just… it wasn’t  _Chuck_ **_-_ ** Chuck.” She flinches as she explains, finding it harder and harder to formulate her words.

“It was-” 

“Cas,” Dean interrupts the angel, raising a hand to emphasize his urgency. He’s trying to act calm, but he isn’t. No one is. They know something, but she doesn’t knows what it is.  

“Go on,” Gabriel encourages her, while giving her hand the softest squeeze. 

“I don’t…” Her throat is closing up, she’s scared and unsure. 

What if they don’t believe her? 

Then again,  _they_ had found her for a reason. They had been the ones to park outside her workplace. They had been the ones to know it was time for her memories to come back.

One look into Gabriel’s whiskey eyes, and everything is fine. He looks worried, feels tense and desperate, but he’s trying. He’s trying so hard to stay calm for the two of them. 

_ “Hi, (Y/N)... can I come in?” He was smiling softly at her, and it took her a long moment to react. _

_ The whole situation is far too strange, what is Chuck doing at a motel in the middle of an abandoned road? How did he knew that was her room? Whatever happened to fidgety-anxious-alcoholic-Chuck, who practically disappeared after the apocalypse was over? _

_ Putting the fact that he appeared out of nowhere aside, this Chuck seems far too confident, too relaxed. It can’t be real. She figured she must have been sleeping, but even if she was, why the hell was she dreaming about Chuck, of all people? _

_ “It’s not a dream,” he affirmed, and her fight or flight response activated.  _

_ But she couldn’t move, her entire body was frozen and stiff. It felt just like when a demon used its powers to restrain her. The thought had her panicking, she’d just let a demon inside her hotel room, it couldn’t get any worse. _

_ “Please,” Chuck begged her to calm down with a single word, and as if he’d asked, she walked over to her bed and took a seat.  _

_ There was a sudden calm and peace that slithered it’s way into her soul, but she had no idea where it came from. The whole deal was still too surreal for her to realize it really wasn’t a dream.  _

_ Chuck was staring at her,  _ **_into_ ** _ her. She could feel his gaze in her core, in the deepest parts of her mind and body. But she didn’t feel scared anymore, clarity began to make its way back into her mind, as she sobered up second by second.  _

_ “I’m here to help you, I heard your prayers.” The prophet went straight to the point, just as the last drop of alcohol evaporated from her system.  _

_ It was not a dream, everything was real, and standing in front of her, is the prophet of the Lord. A Lord whom she would love to have a word or two with. _

_ The brunette man chuckled, the tone of it equal parts amusement and bitterness. She had no idea what’s going through his mind.  _

_ “I heard your prayers,” he repeated, and sighed heavily before continuing. “You want to talk to me, and here I am.” _

_ One of her brows shoot up straight to her hairline. Despite her already knowing it was real, his words were cryptic and confusing.  _

_ After a long, uncomfortable silence, he reached out to her, and brushed a couple of strands of hair away from her face. The contact is minimal, but just enough. “Chuck” sent his grace through every corner of her being, and it was then that she knew who he  _ **_really_ ** _ was. _

_ “Oh my God….” she whispered in a shaky breath, trembling in her spot and trying her best not to throw up.  _

Gabriel falls back into his seat, and he looks petrified. His mouth is hanging open, and the grace he was comforting her with is no longer there. She knows it’s her turn to comfort him.

“ _God_ ?” He finally mutters, “ _My_ father?”

His golden eyes move from her to the Winchesters and his brother, and she know he’s demanding an answer from them. The boys look nervous, and uncomfortable, while Castiel remains stoic. 

“We knew,” the angel confirms.

“You knew  _he_ did this to me?” (Y/N) questions, suddenly snappy and upset. 

The tone of her voice makes Dean jump, he has never seen her so alarmed. “N- we-” he’s trying to reply, but Gabriel’s energy spikes up, and it’s messing with everything around them. 

“No, we didn't. We didn’t know it was him who did it, but we did knew Chuck was our father.” Castiel urges to reply, trying his best to keep the archangel’s grace from unleashing again. 

The last time it happened was that same afternoon, and it nearly vanished both Sam and Dean, along with the demon that tried to kill (Y/N). 

Another silence takes over the library, while everybody waits for Gabriel to calm down. He closes his eyes and breathes, even if he doesn’t needs to. He has spent so much time on earth, he does  _human_ things to ground himself. The archangel wants to calm down, to let her continue.

But he  _can’t_ do it anymore. 

“I asked him to kill me,” she confesses and Gabriel focus back on her, he stares at her attentively, and wide-eyed. “He said it wasn’t my time, but that he could make the pain stop  _until_ .”

“Until?” Sam urges her to continue, looking as confused as everyone else.

A shrug is her response, she sincerely doesn’t know what Chuck meant. But she has an idea, “That’s as far as I can remember. Next thing I know, I woke up in my new, made up life.” She feels bad about it, about all of it, but it’s already passed. “I guess he… kinda knew Gabriel would come back.”

“It’s very likely,” Castiel assures, trying his best to give her a comforting smile. “When I was told it was time find you, they didn’t tell me why. They just told me to send the Winchesters.”

“ _Who_ told you, Cas? Something tells me it wasn’t  _Big Brother_ .” The archangel questions, rubbing his face in an attempt to force a headache away. 

“I don’t know, Gabriel. It sounded like angel radio, but I have no idea who it was.”

They have said everything they know, but the whole deal isn’t nowhere near as clear as they hoped it would be by now. It’s discouraging, and exhausting. Going back to relive their experiences during the apocalypse has taken its toll in everyone. 

Somehow, they silently agree it’s time to let go.

“We’re happy you’re back, that’s all that matters now,” the youngest Winchester suddenly says. There’s tears in the corner of his eyes, and he looks tired,  _so_ tired.

As much as it bothers her having to move her hand from beneath Gabriel’s, she stands up and walks closer to the brunette. Before they’re close enough, he reaches towards her, and pulls her into the tightest hug he can wrap her in without suffocating her. Dean and Castiel wait for their turn to hug her, too. 

Gabriel stays in his place, simply watching them reconnect. There’s a yearn nesting inside him, since the very first moment he saw her across the parking lot. But the need to touch her again is more primal now that his grace is back in his vessel. It’s driving him insane.

She can feel his heart beating rapidly, their bond is so strong it’s overwhelming. It makes her wonder how much more intense it will be once he claims her. 

His eyes widen, and she knows he caught that thought. Gabriel clenches his fists so hard they tremble on top of the table, and his grace reaches out to her in the neediest of ways. 

“You should get some rest.” Castiel notes, patting her shoulder awkwardly. 

“We all should,” Dean says, and places a kiss on her forehead. “Good night, killer.” He smiles, and slowly makes his way back to his room. 

It isn’t long until Sam and Castiel leave as well, and they’re left alone sooner than expected. There’s still a table between them, and it feels like something is on the edge of exploding. He’s staring her with an intensity that’s making her knees weak. 

She rests a hand on top of the table, and uses the table as leverage to keep herself from plummeting. They need each other, but both are too afraid to take the first step. 

Should she hug him like she did with the boys, and leave to her room to sleep? Almost dying  _was_ quite exhausting. But how much longer are they supposed to wait? Their relationship was hard enough during the apocalypse, and they are soulmates, for heaven's sake.

She closes her eyes to think, and let’s a long, agonizing minute to pass by. Not a second longer, she’s made her mind, but she can’t move, she’s glued to her spot, there’s an unknown force keeping her there. “ _Please_ ,” she whispers under her breath, and it’s all he needs.

The world shifts beneath her, and by the time she opens her eyes, she’s in her room, her back against the wall. Gabriel is less than an inch away from her, his entire body is caging her, but she likes it. She  _loves_ it, and feels anticipation bubbling inside her stomach. 

“I need you,” he rasps, while trailing her neck with the tip of his nose. “I was afraid you would never remember me.”

Her heart stutters at his confession, and wastes no time wrapping her arms around him. The fact that she finally crosses that line has his heart soaring, and he doesn’t thinks twice about touching her too. 

“I missed you. Even when I couldn’t remember you, I missed you,” she whispers, while his hands rub her hips and then make their way to rest in the small of her back.

“I know.”

The world stops around them as their bodies explore each other, like the very first night they spent together. There’s a shyness and curiosity in every movement they make. It’s strange how familiar yet completely foreign it feels. 

He walks backwards to her bed, keeping her close to him. Gabriel turns them both, pushes her against the mattress, and immediately crawls over her. Her breaths are ragged, and her heartbeat is rapid, just enough to synchronize with his. 

The energy in the room shifts, and she opens her eyes to find the room filled with a golden light. His wings are out, sprawled across as much as the room allows. 

“Kiss me,” she begs, overwhelmed by all the emotions swirling inside her. 

Gabriel softly presses his lips against hers, shy and hesitant, as if she were to disappear. Her lips are a perfect fit for his, they move in harmony, too. He ventures to brush her lower lip with his tongue, asking for entrance. 

It feels like the first time.

She complies, and their tongues soon start dancing with one another. They’re starved for the other, and it shows. It shows in the way she grabs his jacket to keep him close to her. It shows in the way his hand find its way behind her neck, pushing her face closer to his. 

It isn’t long until she needs to breathe, but he’s the one to pull away, she no longer has the will to do it herself. They press their foreheads together, and close their eyes as she takes her time to fill her lungs with air. 

The silence between them is sacred, comforting, there isn’t a need for words. He moves hand behind her neck to her chin, and he raises her head to make her look at him.

“Can you feel my heartbeat?” He suddenly asks, barely above a whisper, and all she can do is nod. The words cause him as much pain as they do joy, so he smiles. “It’s yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it.   
> Thanks for being with me in this journey.


End file.
